The Babies R Us Incident, Part II

You think that is the end of the Babies R Us fiasco? That, my friends, is only the beginning. Aiden refused to let me get his coat on, so I carried him outside sans winter gear. It was January in Chicago. If you thought I got disapproving looks inside the store, you should have seen the looks I got when carrying my 32 pound, screaming, coatless child like a football and stuffing him in the car. By now my goal of getting a stroller on sale has changed into a goal of fleeing the scene before onlookers can copy down my license number for the DCFS report. I successfully get both kids contained in the car. By the grace of God, Elliott has gone back to sleep. I start the car and reach into my extremely organized diaper bag for my phone to call my husband and have a “Wait until you hear what YOUR kid did” moment. Are you laughing at the thought of my diaper bag actually being organized or that I would do such a thing to my hard working husband? Well, the joke was on me because my cell phone was not in the bag. Or in  my coat. Or in the car. At this point, I had had it and I may have muttered, “Oh my God!” under my breath. Well, Aiden chose this moment to regain his hearing and listen to me and he told me in a calm voice, “We don’t say ‘Oh my God’, Mom”. I snapped, “I AM PRAYING!”, and got my two kids back out of the car to go retrieve my cell phone from the nursing room. Yes, I did consider leaving it there, but losing a cell phone these days is as debilitating as losing an arm, so back to the scene of the crime we returned. At least I was able to get Aiden’s coat on this time. I made my way to the nursing room in the back of the store being careful to avoid eye contact. I begin frantically searching the changing table, couch, and floor to no avail. Aiden chooses this moment to say, “Mom, your cell phone is in the pocket of your sweat shirt”. Now he tells me.
The good news is that by this point I had regained my cell phone and Aiden had regained his sanity, while the other customers seemed to have vacated the premises for what I am sure were unrelated reasons. I shamelessly reclaimed my purchases (hey, I am not one to forgo a sale) and got out alive. I hope that damn stroller is worth the effort and I hope the foster parents have Curious George prerecorded on their DVR for their own well being.

The Babies R' Us Incident, Part I

It took me some time to venture out in public after Elliott was born. He came in to the world at the peak of “the worst flu season in decades” according to 20/20 (hey, that’s a credible source) and in the middle of a Chicago winter. You don’t need a media source to describe that one. I was spoiled by Aiden’s June birth; the freedom to leave my house is very essential to me. Admittedly I did not remain inside the entire eight weeks that my pediatrician recommended, mostly because I didn’t want my family to starve. Well, okay, my cabin fever was the main motivator, but my family starving came in at a close second. Somewhere around the six week mark (okay, fine five) Babies R Us was having a ONE WEEK ONLY sale on the exact Graco Sit and Stand double stroller which I was coveting. I told you, desires change with motherhood. As you can understand, I had no choice but to go to Babies R Us and test out this stroller to see if it would indeed accommodate my preschooler and infant. Babies R Us also has a nursing room, so no problem there!

We arrive at Babies R Us and Elliott decides that he is hungry for the second time that hour. Okay, so my vision of him sleeping through the trip didn’t come to fruition (does it ever?) but I have a nursing room at my disposal. While in the nursing room I put Curious George on via smart phone to entertain Aiden (yes, I am one of those moms) and get as comfortable as possible on the plastic couch. When Elliott finishes I change him and retrieve my phone from Aiden so that I can finish (start) my shopping. This is when all hell breaks loose. A one year old throwing a tantrum is cute, a two year old throwing a tantrum is aggravating, and a three and a half year old throwing a tantrum could scare Alfred Hitchcock. Not one to be interrupted, Aiden said, “I want to watch a SHOW!” I calmly explain that we are done with shows and Mommy’s phone is put away. After repeating this conversation several times while trying to stuff a red faced, screaming Elliott back into his hated car seat Aiden did something that he hadn’t done (at least not in public) in a long time: he threw himself on the floor and continued yelling, “ I     want    TO    WATCH    A    SHHHHHOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!” with each word increasing about ten decibels. I walked around the nursing room bouncing Elliott, trying to reason with Aiden, and waiting for DCFS to burst through the doors. I was hoping that I could get both boys calm enough to rejoin society.

Finally, I was able to escape the nursing room. Elliott had somehow managed to go to sleep and Aiden suddenly decided that he wanted to look at strollers. “Well, I handled that” I thought confidently as I held a subdued Aiden by the arm and loaded my cart with diapers and wipes and test drove the stroller. Happily Aiden was able to get in and out of the “big kid” seat easily while the car seat locked onto the front of the stroller. I grab the card for the stroller, planning to have it assembled and put in my car. Hey, I have the upper body strength of a kitten. Ha, this shopping trip was going to be a success after all. I can handle this two kid thing with my pride in tack, what is so hard?

You know this is not the end of the story, don’t you? As I near the checkout I see two long lines. As an aside, Babies R Us has the most inefficient checkout procedures in existence. I mean, come on, this is a place where people shop with babies. No problem, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh wait, that is the evil gleam in my preschooler’s eyes as he spots a fake shaving set conveniently located in the direct path of the checkout line. You are killing me, Babies R Us! Aiden grabs said toy and attempts to put it in the cart, apparently concluding that his stellar behavior would make me want to buy it for him, or that I had lost my mind by this point and would not notice. I return the toy to the shelf and explain that he does not get rewarded for bad behavior. He puts it back in the cart. I put it back on the shelf. He takes it off of the shelf, lets out a shriek that wakes Elliott, and runs around the display case. I manage to catch him while Elliott begins his own chorus of shrieking. Finally my three year old throws himself on the floor in the front of the store thrashing like a fish out of water and screaming, “I WANT TO WATCH A SHOW!!!!!!” Wait, I thought this tantrum was about the toy? Did I mention that Babies R us was crowded? Do I even have to describe the looks I got while my infant wailed in cart and my three year old flailed on the floor? What did I do? I did what any confident, independent, put together mother of two would do. I abandoned my cart and fled the store.