The other
day my good friend and I were discussing that classic children’s book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. No, our
mom brains have not atrophied to the point where we can only discuss children’s
literature or poop. We weren’t discussing the book so much as the fact that it
is basically a satire of a day in the life of a mom. Now I present to you my
own version of If You Give a Mouse a
Cookie, except in this case it’s If
You Give a Mom a Role of Paper Towels…
If
you give a mom a role of paper towels,
She
will use it to clean up the lemonade that her kids spilled on the floor.While she is wiping up the spill she will notice the crumbs and sticky foot prints on the rest of her kitchen floor.
She will probably end up washing the whole floor.
While she is on her hands and knees washing the floor, she will notice the water spots on her cabinets, so she will have to get the Orange Glow to clean them.
While
she is finishing the cabinets her preschooler will hit his brother with a block, so she will stop to put him in time out.
While
she is setting the oven timer for the time out, she will notice the finger
prints on her oven, so she will have to get the vinegar to clean it.
When
she goes into the laundry room to get the vinegar she will remember that she is
behind on laundry, so she will throw in a load.
By
the time she throws in the load the oven timer will go off, so she will talk to
her preschooler and remember that she still needs to clean the oven.
The
smell of vinegar will remind her that she hasn’t cleaned the windows in a
while, so she will decide to wash them.
While
she is washing the windows, the baby will make a deposit in his diaper, so she
will have to change it.
While
she is getting a clean diaper she will step on a lego that was left of the
stairs and accidentally say a not nice word.
Her
preschooler will hear the not nice word and repeat it.When she explains to the preschooler that that word is not nice, he will start shouting it, so she will put him in time out.
While
she is setting the oven timer she will remember that she still has not finished
cleaning the oven.
While
she is cleaning the oven she will remember that she was also going to clean the
windows.
While
she is cleaning the windows, the baby will remind her that he still needs a
diaper change, so she will change the diaper.
While
she is throwing the diaper away she notices that the trash is full, so she’ll
have to take it out.When her preschooler sees her taking the garbage out without him he will get mad and say the not nice word.
She will threaten to wash his mouth out with soap.
Mentioning soap will remind her that the sink is full of dishes, so she will head into the kitchen to wash them.
On
her way to the sink she will notice the books strewn across the kitchen table.
She
will put them back on the bookshelf. When her kids see her organizing the bookshelf, they will want her to read to them.
After
the first three and a half pages they will stop listening, so she will proceed
to washing the dishes.
While
she is washing the dishes she will noticesher favorite coffee mug.The coffee mug will remind her that she hasn’t had her coffee yet, so she will brew herself a cup.
When her kids see her drinking out of the mug they will remember that they are thirsty.
So they will ask her for a drink.
She
will give them some lemonade.
Chances
are if she gives them some lemonade they will spill it on the floor.And she’ll need a role of paper towels to clean it up.
That is the
true story folks. The end.
