Age Old Annoyance

I have covered the fact that I no longer fit in a Starbucks and the changes becoming a mother will make to your definition of “stopping at the store”. The next often unexpected, almost universal, and highly annoying change motherhood will bring is one of the most unpleasant. This phenomenon is even more unpleasant that blowout diapers, projectile spit up, 3:00 A.M. wake up calls, and pen on the walls put together. Here it goes: when you become a mother everyone will be in your business and complete strangers who just laid eyes on your child five seconds ago will be able to tell you exactly where you went wrong and how to fix it. We have all been on the receiving end of a few dirty looks when our baby lets out a shriek in the middle of mass or our toddle throws himself on the floor in the front of a crowded Babies R Us (more on that later). Unless you drug your kids and/or stay locked in your house for the first eighteen years of their lives you have to learn to ignore those looks and go about your life.  It is much more difficult (although not impossible) to ignore commentary.

We mothers are up against a lot these days. Before you have even decorated the nursery everyone has an opinion on what you should do with your child and how you can be the best mother. Breastfeed, bottle feed, co sleep, cry it out, go to work, stay home, holding your baby will spoil him, putting your baby down will lead to an attachment disorder….. Is your head spinning yet? When well meaning advice comes from family and friends it can be slightly irritating but understandable and sometimes even desired. When random strangers decided to advise or even scold a sleep deprived mother holding a fresh cup of hot coffee, well, things could get ugly.

I had such an experience just the other day at Aiden’s preschool. I signed Aiden out of class and he immediately asked for an apple. Being a good mom who likes to promote healthy eating I took him upstairs to the cafeteria to purchase said apple. Coincidentally this same cafeteria also sells a variety of coffee products, but that is beside the point. Since my full time live in trilingual nanny is in Europe (aka my imagination) I also had Elliott. I am holding a quiet but awake Elliott while Aiden chomps into his apple. Out of nowhere an elderly lady swoops in, gets in Elliott’s face and tells him he is sooo cute. Harmless, right? Then she comments that he looks tired to which I politely respond, “Mmmhmmm, he is getting tired”. Then the lady moves even CLOSER to Elliott (pet peeve alert: people who have no concept of personal space) and says, “Ohhh, you poor little thing! That is sooo mean and wrong of your mommy to drag you all over town when you are sooo tired!”. 

Seriously lady? How do I even respond to that? 

First of all, I am at a preschool at three in the afternoon, not a crack house at eleven P.M. Secondly, I think picking my son up from preschool is slightly better parenting then, say, abandoning him there. Thirdly, I am not sure that driving to preschool counts as running all over town. I had no response in the moment, however. What would you have said? In hindsight I could have turned to the man accompanying her and said, “It is so wrong of your mean wife to embarrass you in public”. I also could have said, “Oh don’t worry, this is our last stop before hitting the casinos. The slot machines always put him to sleep”. I have to get better at thinking on my feet. This was not the first comment I have received from a stranger and it won’t be the last, so I am sure I will get my chance to practice.  For now I have to get Aiden from preschool. On second thought, maybe I will just leave him there today. He always wants to push the buttons on the slot machines.