Picture Imperfect, Take I

My first mistake was going to lunch beforehand. It was the day before Aiden's fourth birthday and I was planning on taking the boys to the mall for their six month and four year pictures, and then to lunch at a place of Aiden's choosing, which happened to be Chick fila. I had an 11:00 appointment so I figured the timing would work out perfectly. I had the boys dressed in their "best bro" shirts and I was ready to head out the door when Elliott had a diaper explosion all over his white shorts. Seriously, do babies go to school for this stuff? Why do they always save up the biggest poop for when you are headed out the door? Let's just say the mess was so big that I missed my appointment and the picture studio could not get me in until 12:15. No problem, we would just do Chick fila first since it is next to the mall.

By now you know that when I say "no problem" I actually mean multiple problems. Lunch began innocently enough. (Note: when both of your children are cooperating it actually means they are plotting against you). Aiden devored his nuggets and made fast friends with a boy in the play area while I sat with my mom, drank lemonade, and fed Elliott. Aiden and his new friend aka cohort had disappered through the tubes to hide out in a plastic car suspended in the air. I entered the sacred play area and called to Aiden that it was time to go for pictures. Apparently wanting to show off in front of his new friend, he shouted, "No, I won't come down and you can't get me!" He may have been right except for the fact that he has a mother who does not mind embaressing herself. I climbed right up the plastic stairs and through the plastic tubes to drag my child out of the car while my mom and another grandmother laughed their asses off. See that, I showed my son that I most certainly can make him while providing entertainment to the other adults disillusioned enough to eat lunch at a restaurant containing plastic tubes. I marched Aiden out of the play area while my mom attempted to tell me how ridiculous I looked through her bouts of laughter. Notice that I haven't even gotten to the picture part of the story.
We managed to get to our appointment on time and I figured we were home free. Aiden is a show off and usually loves to get his picture taken, and Elliott was sitting in his stroller contentedly  chewing his feet (plotting). Photographer Lady eyed Elliott and asked, "Does he sit up on his own yet?" I explained that while he could do a tripod sit he still toppled backwards without something behind him. "Well, at this age we usually like to have them sitting up on their own." Um, okay, sorry that my child's development at the ripe old age of six months isn't up to your standards. Would you liked me to come back for his six month pictures in a month or two? Would that be more convenient for you? I looked around to make sure I hadn't accidentally driven to the pediatrician, a possibility considering that I hadn't had my coffee yet. After expressing her disappointment in Elliott's lack of independent sitting, she kept us waiting a good half hour while she apparently rebuilt the background, and then we were finally called. I cringed when it was time to turn Aiden away from Bob the Builder  (remember the Babies R' Us incident?) but he walked right over to the background. The photographer snapped a few pictures of the boys until the back light timed out. While she was attempting to fix the light Aiden and Elliott took the opportunity to put their scheme into action. Between waiting and posing Elliott had had enough and began fussing. Aiden told him to stop "Or else I won't be your big brother anymore". The photographer fixed the light and decided to get a cute pose of Elliott draped over Aiden's back. Since Aiden had disowned him, he began wiggling and trying to get him off of his back, his feet kicking the background. "Honey, don't kick the background, please", said Photogropher Lady. Isn't that kind of like telling Cain and Able to please not disturb the foliage? Never mind the fact that, "Oh Honey, please don't..." is rarely an effective way to tell a four year old to stop doing something. Remember, we still had to change shirts and take individual pictures. I got through it by fantasizing about the large mocha latte from Gloria Jeans with which I was going to reward myself after the picture fiasco. I fully believe that malls house a variety of specialty coffee shops just to keep moms sane enough to actually make it into a store. Well played, mall, well played. Take two.

Chaos By Design

I realize that I am about six months behind on my blog posts. Okay, fine, eight. I have them written, it is just  the small matter of actually getting to the computer to post them. At this point I could list a litany of excuses (is it still an excuse if it is true?) to account for my delays and also bemoan the fact that I am extremely busy, but neither of us have time for that. Besides, it is only six days until Christmas and I have to work on my excuses as to why cards are late. I know it is human nature to play the busy card like it is some kind of contest (Oh you think you have a lot to do? Well, wait until you see my calendar...) but I can't complain when I over schedule myself. Someone once said idle time is the devil's play and I think this individual had a four year old. Driving from mom's group to school to park district activities with two kids in winter coats drives me crazy, but considerably less so than staying at home and doubling as a cruise director (Mom, what should we do next?). So here I am getting some writing and posting done in the small window of time while one child is in school and the other sleeps. After school it is off to the chiropractor and then acting class, as if four year olds need to be schooled in acting. Tomorrow is Aiden's last day of preschool before Christmas break, and a break from school for kids equals a break from sanity for parents, but I digress. For now I will write and post until the chaos resumes. And you can read. Unless you are busy, or something.