The Day That I Stopped Fitting In At Starbucks

Here I am sitting at Starbucks enjoying an over-priced, 600 calorie mocha and joining the other studious, laptop-wielding workers as I get some writing done while Aiden is at preschool.  I have decided that using 40 of my 150 preschool minutes driving back and forth is a sad waste, and I have long ago given up the fantasy that I will actually complete some housework, so here I am at the Starbucks.  Conveniently, the Starbucks is located right down the street from preschool. No, the location of this Starbucks had nothing to do with my choice of preschool, why would you even think that?

Even so, I love coffee and I have always enjoyed the atmosphere at Starbucks. The coffee, the over-sharing cell phone conversations, the professional working people, the crying baby... oh wait, I am the only with the crying baby.  Don't mind us people, just continue your work.  See, I have a laptop and I am working too!  I realize that my laptop has a monkey rattle on the keyboard. Hmmm, why is the man next to me plugging headphones into his computer?  The man on the other side of me is saying into his cell phone, "Sorry, I am at a Starbucks. They should not allow crying babies in this type of establishment," while glaring in my direction.  Okay, he didn't actually say the last part out loud.

I am tempted to grab my cell phone and say something like, "I will have that report in your inbox by two, Jerry" before my undercover act as a professional working person is completely blown. I don't know who Jerry is, by the way, but it sounds like a boss's name, right? Just agree. Okay, now I have spit up on my laptop and my suit pants, okay fine five year yoga pants with the knees worn from crawling around on the floor with my preschooler playing garbage man.  

Cover blown! Cover blown! Abort mission!!!

I have never received so many dirty looks in one establishment, and that is really saying something. I realize it is my own fault. Clearly my delusional fantasy of the baby sleeping soundly in his stroller while I type away uninterrupted was, well, delusional. I blame lack of sleep. And lack of coffee. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to further ruin the workday of the gentleman next to me with public nursing and then I am going to flee this Starbucks and add it to the list of places at which I am no longer welcome.

It looks like Aiden will have to change preschools...